i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Randomize
