dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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