You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
