Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
