YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
