So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
