i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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