I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
