Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
