you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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