Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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