i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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