R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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