forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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