My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
