Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just high enough for therapy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
