as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
