hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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