If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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