Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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