matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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