If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Terrible idea I love it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
