dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
