There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize