i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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