Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
