Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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