I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
