he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i've created a new STD.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
