i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
