dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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