i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
