i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
