Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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