also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
