We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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