nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
