idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
