you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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