I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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