i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
