Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
