Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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