We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
