Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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