you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize