wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
