If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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