rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
