Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
