New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
