And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
