I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We left the knife in your bed.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize