I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
