I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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