you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
