You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
