What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
