Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
