I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
They have beer where we have blood.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
