question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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