He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize