Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Vodka?
Forever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
