member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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