I got chris browned last night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
this hospital has no fireball
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
